Thursday, September 10, 2009

Shaken and Stirred

Ellerie apparently was a bit lonesome today in the gym nursery.  So, when I arrived to get her, she was munching on something that a staff member had given her to calm her down.

"What are you eating you silly girl?"  I asked her playfully as I picked her up.

And then I smelled it.

Peanut butter.

Ellerie is allergic to peanuts.

My heart sank and I went into mommy adrenaline mode.  And, I am happy to report that with epi-pen, doctors, and much monitoring, Ellerie is just fine.

I can not say the same for her mom, however.

How can I explain how shaken I am?

In the heat of the moment, I did all the right things.  I watched her vitals and when she appeared to go south, I got out that nasty needle, and I shot her  beautiful, unmarred, chubby little leg.  I didn't even hesitate.  

So why, hours later, am I a mess?

Why as I gaze upon her sleeping little body, her curls matted against her sweaty forehead, why am I now frozen with fear?  I keep repeating to myself,  "She is OK,"  in the hopes that repeating it will help me believe it.

But, I don't believe it.  Not really.  I keep thinking about the what if's.  Like, what if I hadn't arrived as she was chewing that cookie.  What if I had been five minutes later?  What if  I wasn't able to administer her epi-pen?  What if I didn't get her the proper medical attention in time?  

What if?
 
What if? 

What if?

It's enough to drive me insane.

For now, I will hold her close as she sleeps contentedly away.  I will love all of her impish and devilish ways.  And, I will appreciate that God has forever blessed me when he entrusted Ellerie to me.

Thank you dear lord.

Thank you.



3 comments:

  1. Life is a matter of minutes, sometimes seconds. Thank you God for being vigilant and watching over our loved ones. thank you for those few precious seconds. Love, Dad.

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  2. New to your blog, reading this post brought to mind all the fears I had with my son Noah when he was young. Also deathly allergic to peanuts and exotic fruit (pineapple, mango, papaya..)there were a few close calls when well meaning family members, day care providers etc forgot his allergies. Too many times I would wait for the epi-pen to do it's work as I prayed and held him close.

    Now he is 15, carries his own epi-pen, injects himself and is nonchalant about it. Cherish the time as it goes so fast....

    ttfn

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  3. Annie, your mother just informed me about the above. There is no excuse for the mistake coming from a teacher's point of view. WE were so careful whenever we had children allergic to peanuts in our school. I know you will alert the school again about it. Thank God that you were there in the nick of time. I am getting a lump in my throat thinking also about the "what ifs". Divine intervention. I think so. Thank you God.
    Cousin Donna

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