Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
After all, if you can't eat ice cream for dinner on vacation, when can you?
Monday, June 21, 2010
After a 1o hour car trip that took 14 hours . . .
and a beach rental that only has one TV . . .
I have decided.
Dora the Explorer must die.
Now, I have to admit. I did not come to this idea all by myself. I was inspired by one of the characters on the fabulous TV show, Modern Family. After a uncharacteristic stint as a stay-at-home dad, one of the characters admitted his secret desire to take out the Explorer, herself. He said, "I am plotting Dora's murder. I am going to fill that backpack with rocks and dump her in the river. " And as I laughed because I could soooooo totally identify, I began to consider the possibility. It wasn't until my recent road trip with the kiddies, however, that I plotted it in earnest.
Dora must die.
I figure I could send her on an adventure in which she will never come back. I can send her to find the great "white light". Along the way, Boots the Monkey can find his very own cement monkey shoes, and Swiper the Fox can get sideswiped by a Mack truck. The map can commit suicide after meeting Mr. GPS and discovering that he is now, in fact, completely useless. Finally, Dora and her backpack can sing "C'mon, Vamanos!" as they skip merrily into the light.
It would be a beautiful passing.
Too bad it's only a dream.
*****Any other characters need offing?? Let me know. I am probably your girl.********
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
1. I will not cry when I inadvertently kill my tomato plant.
2. I will not mutter under my breath grumpily when I am forced to buy tomatoes from the local farmer's market after I kill my tomato plants.
3. I will not lie when others taste my fabulous tomato sauce and ask if it was made with tomatoes I have grown myself. I will fess up, even if it kills me.
4. I will not cry because my kitchen remodel is still not done.
5. I will not become impatient with the kitchen's progress and hire out the rest of the work to a local handyman.
6. I will not give up the friendly pestering of hubs to get the job done. (Love you hubs! Smooches!!)
7. I will not cry when I drive all three of my kiddies 10 hours, by myself, in our yearly quest to see the ocean.
8. I will not leave my bickering and fighting children on the side of the highway, despite my overwhelming desire to do so.
9. I will not drink myself into a coma when I arrive at our vacation destination out of sheer relief that the road trip is over. (I will have at least one drink, however. Or three. Just sayin'.)
10. I will not cry when I put on my summer bathing suit and check myself out in the mirror, despite any stretch marks, cellulite, flab or the like. I will embrace my womanly body, and be proud of my health without apology. (So there! sticks tongue out . . .)
11. I will not worry about what I look like in a bathing suit when I am at the pool or the beach. ( I have invested in some fabulous rose colored glasses for just this problem.)
12. I will not sit out of the fun of summer just because some magazine tells me that I should look a certain way. I will swim and jump and sing and dance and frolic (OK. OK! Maybe not frolic . . . but definitely the others.) this summer. I will enjoy this season to the hilt!
13. I will not cry when the kids say, "I am bored!"
14. I will not find things for the kids to do when they cry, "I am bored!" Instead, I will let them wallow in their bored-ness in the hope that their little minds will wander and their creativity will flourish. (Just not flourish enough to create a big honkin' mess in the house or yard.)
15. I will not succumb to the kids' cries of desperation by turning on the boob tube. It will stay off!! (except of course for my dvr'ed episodes of Glee and Modern Family . . .)
16. I will not cry when I see my kiddies grow up before my eyes.
17. I will not put a brick on Abbie's head in order to stop her from growing (like a weed I might add) into a young lady, despite the fact that I am not quite ready for it.
18. I will not put a leash on Ellerie to restrain her energy despite the fact that her zeal for life zaps the energy from my life.
19. I will not put a piece of tape over Ethan's mouth in order to acquire a moment of silence in my crazy day. I will instead try to listen to all of E's 6 year old theories and appreciate each and every one of them (to the best of my ability and my sanity).
20. I will not take any day for granted this summer. I will appreciate each and every day that I get to spend with my kids, hubs, and extended family. . .
. . . even if it kills me . . .
*****************This post was a variation response to one of Mama Kat's writer's prompts this week, the 30 Things You Will Do This Summer. Hop on over to see her and check out some other great responses. *************************
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Recently, on Facebook, many people were posting a celebrity-look-alike pictures instead of their regular profile pictures. One friend compared himself to Spongebob (strangely accurate), while another friend compared himself to Brad Pitt (soooooo not even close).
And, one old highschool girlfriend fancied herself to be another Heidi Klum (Can you say rose-colored glasses?).
Obviously, this provoked many laughs.
But, it also got me thinking. What celebrity would I pick for my look alike?
Would I go for funny and pick someone waaaaa -ayyyyy out there? Someone like. . . um . . . Spock?
Umm. . . short hair. Check.
Pointy sideburns. Check.
Spock was definitely not me!
Or would I go with someone that other people had actually (flatteringly, really) compared me to before? Someone like Alyssa Milano?
I turned to MyHeritage.com. This site is dedicated to helping a person determine his or her heritage legitimately, but they also have a fun page that uses face recognition technology to determine which celebrity actually looks like you.
So, I am more than OK with Cate Blanchett, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Ashley Judd as my celebrity look alikes.(And really, who wouldn't be?) These are all very beautiful ladies, and frankly, it was super flattering for my ego to be compared to them.
But, Hillary Rodham Clinton? And Mrs. Brady?!? Really?
In what alternate universe do Ashley Judd and Hillary Clinton resemble each other? And lord help me if my hair resembles Mrs. Brady's famous mullet. If that is the case, I will forgo my family's grocery bill this week to remedy the situation. Eating bread and water will be worth it.
I guess it could be worse.
They could have compared me to Mr. Brady.
************Special thanks to Jenners at Life with a Little One and More for the Inspiration for this post. You should go check out her post about celebrity look alikes. Bring your Depends. You will need them.*****************************
Saturday, June 5, 2010
My high pitched voice can often be heard calling things like, "Whose underwear are these right in the middle of the hallway?" Or maybe, "Do not squirt your sister!" as I call from the protection of the dining room.
So, give it up. Are you a lover or a fighter? Or a yeller?
Thursday, June 3, 2010
-licked the spoon without even thinking about it after you have adminstered medicine to your child ?
-drank a cup of coffee after brushing your teeth and gagged at the combo of toothpaste, coffee, and vanilla creamer?
-wished there was an instant replay after something gets broken and "no one" did it?
Well how about, have you ever . . .
-spent 10 minutes looking for your car keys only to find them still in the car's ignition?
-lost the TV remote only to find it in the refrigerator?
-misplaced the cup of coffee you were drinking, made yourself another cup of coffee, and then found your 1st coffee cup in the bathroom linen closet?