To Meet or Not To Meet . . .

Dear Abs,

I love you.

You are such an awesome kid.

I love that you will spend an afternoon designing and sewing a pillow pet for your sister.

I love that you have finished 10 chapter books this summer already.

I love that you are developing quite a snarky sense of humor.  You raise your eyebrow like no other.

I love that you love to swim.  You do 20 laps without realizing how hard it is to do twenty laps.  You glide through the water like a Cullen glides through the forest, eerily arriving at your destination without effort or undue exertion.

You are amazing, my girl. 

Amazing!

So, please keep all of these wonderful qualities close to your heart when I tell you that  . . .

I do not love your swim meets. 

They are torture my girl.

Torture.

They are 20 seconds of excitement followed by hours of sheer boredom, in 90 degree heat, with other stinky, sweaty and tired parents.

They are volunteering to corral 100 kids that are not mine and that can not understand why they can not be in the pool until their race.

They are listening to little Suzy's mom explain how little Suzy is swimming in the winter so that she can bump up her scholarship opportunities.  Scholarship opportunities, mind you, that will not be available for at least another 7-8 years since little Suzy is 10 years old.

They are being available to be the mosquito buffet for the evening.

Swim meets suck, plain and simple.

So, christen me the summer time Grinch, but I can find no good quality in a swim meet.

No good quality except for the wide smile you give me when you finish your race.

For that, I'd endure anything.

With love,

Mom

PS To recap . . . Love you!  . . . the swim meets? Not. so. much.

*****************Linking with Shell's PYO*****************************

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Also . . . join me on twitter.  My handle is @annieinsanity !!!!!

Losing my Voice (Along with my Sanity)

I am losing my voice.

Stop laughing.

There are several reasons that I am losing my voice.

1) All of the trees and bushes and live things in my town have plotted against me and decided they needed to procreate all at the same time.

2) I have tutored 7,000 hours of math and algebra in the last few days due to the school's final exams.  (You know it is bad when Ethan asked me quite seriously, "Mom, did you figure out what X is yet?  You keep asking kid after kid what X is.  Do any of them know?"  No.  They do not know what X is.  That is why they see me!)

3) The new puppy has created whole new reasons to yell.  For example, "For the love of all that is good and holy . . . you can not put the dog in your baby stroller!"  Or what about this?  "No!  You can not feed the dog your spaghetti!  Dogs don't like spaghetti!"  (Even though, apparently, this dog does like spaghetti.  This does not surprise me, however.  What surprises me is that Indy, the puppy, is still alive despite being smothered frequently by Ellerie.  The dog is a damn saint!)

So clearly, I am ripe for losing my voice . . .except that I can't lose my voice.

I can't lose my voice, you see,  because I am a yeller.

And,  I love being a yeller.


*********I Yell. Suck It Up.  Originally posted 6/5/10****************

I'm a yeller.

My high pitched voice can often be heard calling things like, "Whose underwear are these right in the middle of the hallway?" Or maybe, "Do not squirt your sister!" as I call from the protection of the dining room.

I yell. I am OK with it. It's my style.

But recently, after picking Ethan up from a play date, he posed this question on the ride home.

"Mom, did you know that there are moms that do not yell? Isn't that amazing?"

After wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes, my response?

"Honey, I know that there are moms that do not yell. God just didn't happen to give you one of them."

Case closed.

I yell.

Suck it up.

So, give it up. Are you a lover or a fighter? Or a yeller?

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See? 

 

Yelling? 

 

It's sooooooo me.

 

Whispering?

 

Not so much.

Pool-ing My Sanity

Dear Pool Patron,

I am sorry that you had the misfortune of sitting next to us at the pool yesterday.  I am sorry that my kids dripped all over your stack of GQ's, and I am sorry that Ethan did a cannonball (which was perfectly executed . . . was it not?) 2 feet from your spot ruining your sunscreen application with a spray of chlorine.  And the spilled popcorn that created a Hitchcock-like scene of birds?  Sorry for that too.  I am sure that you wanted a nice, relaxing visit to the pool, but sitting next to my crew insured that your visit was neither relaxing nor quiet.

Go figure!

Next time, may I suggest sitting in the more adult section near the deep end of the pool?  It may do more for you than shooting this weary mother your dirty looks.

Dirty looks will do you no good.

I laugh in the face of your dirty looks.

Sincerely,

Annie

PS  I am also sorry that Ellerie accidentally grabbed your towel and blew great gobs of boogers into it when you were busy at the snack bar.  I would have told you about it . . . but I didn't want to interrupt you again.  (That and I was laughing too hard to speak.)





********What about it y'all?  Any pool pet peeves out there????*************

Twenty Things I WILL NOT Do (And You Can't Make Me!)

20 things I vow NOT to do this summer . . .

1. I will not cry when I inadvertently kill my tomato plant.
2. I will not mutter under my breath grumpily when I am forced to buy tomatoes from the local farmer's market after I kill my tomato plants.
3. I will not lie when others taste my fabulous tomato sauce and ask if it was made with tomatoes I have grown myself. I will fess up, even if it kills me.


4. I will not cry because my kitchen remodel is still not done.
5. I will not become impatient with the kitchen's progress and hire out the rest of the work to a local handyman.
6. I will not give up the friendly pestering of hubs to get the job done. (Love you hubs! Smooches!!)


7. I will not cry when I drive all three of my kiddies 10 hours, by myself, in our yearly quest to see the ocean.
8. I will not leave my bickering and fighting children on the side of the highway, despite my overwhelming desire to do so.
9. I will not drink myself into a coma when I arrive at our vacation destination out of sheer relief that the road trip is over. (I will have at least one drink, however. Or three. Just sayin'.)

10. I will not cry when I put on my summer bathing suit and check myself out in the mirror, despite any stretch marks, cellulite, flab or the like. I will embrace my womanly body, and be proud of my health without apology. (So there! sticks tongue out . . .)
11. I will not worry about what I look like in a bathing suit when I am at the pool or the beach. ( I have invested in some fabulous rose colored glasses for just this problem.)
12. I will not sit out of the fun of summer just because some magazine tells me that I should look a certain way. I will swim and jump and sing and dance and frolic (OK. OK! Maybe not frolic . . . but definitely the others.) this summer. I will enjoy this season to the hilt!

13. I will not cry when the kids say, "I am bored!"
14. I will not find things for the kids to do when they cry, "I am bored!" Instead, I will let them wallow in their bored-ness in the hope that their little minds will wander and their creativity will flourish. (Just not flourish enough to create a big honkin' mess in the house or yard.)
15. I will not succumb to the kids' cries of desperation by turning on the boob tube. It will stay off!! (except of course for my dvr'ed episodes of Glee and Modern Family . . .)


16. I will not cry when I see my kiddies grow up before my eyes.
17. I will not put a brick on Abbie's head in order to stop her from growing (like a weed I might add) into a young lady, despite the fact that I am not quite ready for it.
18. I will not put a leash on Ellerie to restrain her energy despite the fact that her zeal for life zaps the energy from my life.
19. I will not put a piece of tape over Ethan's mouth in order to acquire a moment of silence in my crazy day. I will instead try to listen to all of E's 6 year old theories and appreciate each and every one of them (to the best of my ability and my sanity).

20. I will not take any day for granted this summer. I will appreciate each and every day that I get to spend with my kids, hubs, and extended family. . .

. . . even if it kills me . . .


*****************This post was a variation response to one of Mama Kat's writer's prompts this week, the 30 Things You Will Do This Summer. Hop on over to see her and check out some other great responses. *************************