Friday, February 26, 2010

Positively Mom

If you read yesterday's post, then you know that my mom is a little abrreviationally challenged.(Yes. I made up that word. I am good like that.)

In the 90's, mom was working in a new middle school, and I was fresh out of college with a sparkly new teaching degree. We often talked "shop" about work, students and the like.
Well, mom's principal started a movement in her school about positivity. Not a bad idea in middle school and high school if you ask me. (There is a reason why the movie Mean Girls was a success, afterall. That kind of stuff really happens. No joke!)

Anyways, mom would often talk about the initiative, referring to it as the Only Positive People idea. Only Positive People in the classroom. Only Positive People on the school campus. Only Positive people on the school bus. You get the idea. Only Positive People was an idea that truthfully I only thought about in the educational setting.

So, imagine my surprise when my mom informed me that she was being featured on the local news for implementing the Only Positive People ideas. I was tickled for her!

That is, I was tickled until I saw the news clip.

There was mom with a microphone in her face, talking about Only Positive People, except, she wasn't using the phrase Only Positive People. She was saying things like, "We here at Blankety Blank Middle School are all for OPP! " And also, "OPP is for me!"

She was so excited to promote the positive attitude, but there was one problem.

In the 90's, OPP didn't just stand for Only Positive People. At the time, there was a very popular song by the group Naughty by Nature. It's title? OPP. Now, I probably don't have to tell you that with a group name that includes the word, Naughty, OPP did not reflect any sort of educational positivity. No. Not in the slightest. Naughty by Nature's version of OPP had the abbreviation stand for Other People's P****. (And, if you don't know what the last word is, then here are some hints. The last word starts with a P, rhymes with "wussy", and is another name for a kitty cat . . . among other things.)


My mom went on TV and talked about being down with OPP.

I. was. mortified! How could she not know that she was talking about P**** on TV?!? Where all of our friends and neighbors could hear her?!? P****!!!! My mother!!!! It was too much ! That word (or reference to it) was never supposed to come out of my mom's mouth. I remember wanting to die, or at least leave the country.

No sooner than the news clip ended, the phone started ringing.

Really, looking back, it was my fault. I should have picked up on the abbreviation when we talked about Only Positive People. I am fairly certain her students had picked up on it judging by its immense popularity. Afterall, there is nothing like an inside joke that will embarrass a teacher. They probably still talk about it.

To this day, I still have friends that remind me of my mom and the OPP incident.

At least now we can laugh (or lol, mom).

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Laughing, Out Loud and Otherwise

It is not often that you get the chance to laugh so hard that you can't breathe.

But, when it happens, it is usually memorable.

Case in point, recently, my mom has foraged into the facebook world. Now, for the most part, this has been a positive experience. She has found long lost friends and distant relatives. I am happy that she has been able to reconnect.

But, imagine my shock when I recently read a posting from her. It was a particularly serious posting, but, mom ended it with an easily recognizable lol abbreviation.

"Lol?!?" I thought to myself. "That wasn't funny. What was mom thinking?"

Needing some backup, I consulted hubs. I read him the post with the offending lol at the end then asked, "Hon, am I missing something? Is that funny?"

He looked up from his typing long enough to utter, "Nope."

"Well, what do you think?"

He paused, then fired. "I think your mom has menopause. Don't question it. Just go with it."

I chuckled and took his advice.

Things went along for awhile with no mentions of lol's or the like until one day I read my mom's facebook post. It read, (and this is a direct quote) "Sorry to all my fb friends . . . for 6 months I thought lol meant lots of love. Somebody send me Texting for Dummies."

The lightbulb clicked on and instantly, I understood.

And laughed. Out loud.

Poor mom. Thinking that she was sending out lots of love, mom told my aunt that broke her 2 legs . . . lol. She told my relative that lost her job . . . lol. Mom even told the priest at her church "thank you" and then followed it with, you guessed it, lol.

I am betting that these people did not, in fact, laugh out loud.

But, I sure did.

Thanks mom, for all of the laughs . . . out loud and otherwise.

********And for more adventures with mom and her insufficient abbreviating skills, return tomorrow. I have a doozy of a memoir!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Where For Art Thou, Annie?

Have you ever seen the movie Field of Dreams?

You know. The one where Kevin Costner follows his dream and plows under his corn field to build a baseball field? Along the way, he semi-kidnaps his favorite author, played by James Earl Jones. Soon, both Kevin and James are enjoying their journey to find their dreams.

While on their trip, Kevin's character picks up a newspaper and remarks to James' character, "Hey! Do you know you are missing?!"

James laughs good-naturedly, reads the headline, and utters a grim, "Uh-oh!" Even though his kidnapping turned out more than OK, he had forgotten to let his family know where he was, and, more importantly, that he was OK.

So, let's just say that I am James Earl Jones in this scenario, off on an adventure, and never dreaming that I would worry anyone!

I am so sorry to cause my bloggy friends and family worry. Really. I am just fine. I am not under mounds and mounds of snow. I have not been trapped by falling kitchen remodeling debris. And, I have not been kidnapped by my kiddies and held hostage for the exchange of more Nintendo DS games. (Although, now that I think about it, if they had thought of that idea, I may have been in trouble.)

No, dear friends. I am OK.

I am perfectly peachy, here in sunny Florida, visiting with my family. In fact, I am a bit sad that tomorrow, I have to put on 17 layers of clothing to return to the winter wonderland that is my home. After all, I have such a nice tan. It's a shame it has to be all covered up!

So, yes, I will be back soon with loads of sunny stories and photos to share with you. Florida (especially Disney) has been great, but, quite frankly, I am pooped.

I am ready to return to the world of making school lunches, chauffeuring and refereeing children, and battling the evils of Jack Frost.

In short, I am ready to go back to the real world.

At least, I think I am.

Ask me again when the alarm goes off on Wednesday morning at 5:45.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Dangers of Too Much Snow

Just so you know . . . snow days can be a little dangerous. What with all of the snow and ice and wind, crazy and unexpected things could happen.

You could slip on the ice.

You could have a fender bender.

Or, you could have a different crazy event.

For example, the last time we got this much snow, it was three years ago. Staying warm and cozy was obviously a priority. So, we hunkered down in our jammies, drank hot cocoa, and ate cookies. Overall, I'd say that we survived the winter storm quite nicely. And, as a bonus, we even had a souvenir of the huge snowfall.

A souvenir that arrived . . . 9 months later.

Ellerie, 2 years, 3 months old

Yes. Apparently, we are experts at staying warm and cozy. Experts, I tell you! That is why this year, during this storm, hubby and I are staying at least three feet away from each other at all times. We are not sharing stolen glances across the dinner table. Heck, we aren't even sharing a can of coke. We are not taking any chances this time.

After all, winter storms can be dangerous!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Go Fish Cappy

"Hi Mom!"

"Hey Hon. What's going on today?" my mom questioned.

Shoving a few more goldfish into my mouth, I answered, "Ummmmm," crunch, chew, crunch, "not much." I swallowed. "Just eating goldfish with El.

Mom quickly chimed in with, "Oh goldfish! I love goldfish!" I smiled through the phone, because, really, who doesn't love goldfish. ( Any snack that has a serving size of 55 pieces is OK by me.)

Before I could continue the conversation, Mom added, "Cappy loves goldfish too!"

And lest you think that Cappy is my dad, or a friend, or even the mailman, let me set you straight.

Cappy is a dog. My mom's dog for all of you newbies. A dog that is so ugly that he is cute. A dog that sleeps on my mom's bed pillow and has his own wardrobe.

Yes. That kind of dog.

And, my mother was not only feeding him people food (which she swears she does not do), she was comparing my human baby with her dog baby.

Aye. Yi! Yi!

It was beyond ridiculous.

"Mom," I used my calming voice (or at least I tried), "Are you seriously comparing Cappy to Ellerie?"


"He. is. a. dog!" I stated slowly for effect. No matter. It fell on deaf ears.

"Annie! Do you know how expensive dog treats are? Goldfish are much more economical." She retorted.

And with that argument, I gave up. There is no way that I will ever convince my mom that Cappy is a dog.

And, after this post, I will probably have to buy "my brother" a bag of goldfish to make the peace.

****** To read more about my hate/hate realtionship with my mom's dog you can click one of the following.

Mom's Not in Kansas Anymore

Updates . . .


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Groundhog Post It

I awoke this morning with a smile.

That smile evaporated when I discovered that Punxatawny Phil, the rodent prognosticator, saw his shadow this morning. Six. more. weeks. of. winter. (I'll let that little gem sink in. There. Officially depressed yet?) Six more weeks of bundling kids, loads of extra laundry, and days of endless grey.

Fabulous, no?!?

Ummm. NO!

All I have to say is Phil, if you run in front of my car today, I can not be held responsible if my accelerator sticks. In that case, you should blame Toyota.

Anyway, being that it is Tuesday, I have some lovely Post It's for you.

Your welcome.

I figured that you too needed a short and sweet post, so that you have enough time to crawl back in your bed and hibernate for another 6 weeks. If you need me, that's where I'll be.

(note- I realize that this Post It repeats, but I did not feel like going back into the program to make another one. Forgive me?!?)

Happy Tuesday.

If you want to read more post its . . . hop on over to Supah Mommy.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Hubs the Rock Star


Hubs came home, packed up all 3 kiddies, and took them away for a few hours. While they are away watching a basketball game and eating snacks, I get the whole house to myself!

So, even though my laundry pile has not diminished and the dinner is not cooked, I am sitting here, watching Oprah with my feet up.

I am in heaven.

And, it should be said, hubs is a rock star.

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