Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Caught in the Tentacles of Life

I don't think that I am cut out to be the mom of a little boy.

I mean . . . when Ethan ran his hand along a car's bumper in a mall parking lot and then licked his hand, I was utterly grossed out . . . but OK.

When Ethan pulled dirt, grass, sticks and stones out of his jeans pocket and then placed them on my dinner table . . . during dinner, I was repulsed, . . . but I didn't flinch.

When my boy removed every stitch of his clothing to use the bathroom, despite the fact that we were in public, despite the fact that we were in the Atlanta airport, I was horrified and wanted to douse him with Chlorox, . . . but, I survived.

But, when it comes to the birds and the bees, and boys . . .

I am not so good.

Recently, Ethan plodded into the bathroom to use the facilities. After a few minutes, I heard his familiar, "Mom!" so I trudged to the bathroom to see what was the matter.

"What's wrong buddy?"

"Mom, what are these things?" he said pointing to his male member.

"What things?" I asked innocently.

He fired back, "Maaaa- ooom!" with exasperation. "These things! There are two circle things under my pee pee. What are they?"

"Oh," I said, figuring it out. I decided to just use the correct terminology and be very matter of fact, even though the last thing that I wanted to be doing was discussing his male anatomy. "Well E, those are your testicles."

"Oh," he replied.

"Oh?" Maybe I was home free, I thought. But, I was wrong.

"What are they for mom?'

A thousand inappropriate thoughts flew through my head . . . but I reigned them in, and went with, "Well, they are boy parts that someday will help you to be a daddy." Then, I busied myself with folding a fallen towel, and I scurried out of there.

Later, when hubs got home, E, hubs and I were in the living room alone. I thought about our birds and bees conversation and decided to get hubby in on the action. After all, he deserves to be just as uncomfortable as me, right? I am a good parent like that.

"Ethan. Why don't you ask Daddy what you were asking me about today in the bathroom?" I figured it would be better coming out of his mouth.

Ethan's face lit up when he realized what I was talking about, and he said, "Dad, I have tentacles on my pee pee!"


I almost wet myself from laughing!

Hubs, however, remained composed, and said, "Tentacles? I think you mean testicles, right bud?!"

E laughed and nodded.

And I thank God for two things.

1) I have a hubby that is OK with the birds and the bees.


2) He did not teach E any other choice euphemisms for testicles.

Tentacles are bad enough.


  1. That is great! It reminds me of when I was at the beach with my family years ago. My younger brother, pointing at a jellyfish and yelling at the top of his lungs, says, "Look at its testicles!" We still like to tease him about that to this day. Guess it's a common mix-up.

  2. Literally laughing out loud. Little boys figuring out their body is always priceless.

  3. There is a price to pay for teaching our sons the anatomically correct names. Example - During a family Thanksgiving dinner, my then 4 year old son kept squirming in his seat, my mom asked him repeatedly to stop fidgeting. As the dinner went on, he continued until I asked, "What's wrong?". He replied with intense frustration, "My scrotum hurts!!!". Everyone tried to conceal their laughter until my mother, who only bore girls, asked, "What's a scrotum?". We all hit the floor!

  4. That's a good one! I definitely was not expecting him to say tentacles. That is just downright hysterical! :D But cute in a way too, I guess. Lol. Hopefully, you don't have to suffer with too much more boy talk like that. I'd push it off on my husband. Haha. Man to man stuff.

  5. HOWLING with laughter over here---and somewhat grateful I have little girls. Although one day, Izzy sat down (naked) on the floor, spread her legs, and peered inside. She said, "Mommy! Look! There's a little worm in there!" I almost cried. HEHHEHEHHEEE

  6. I totally agree with you. It's so hard to be a mother of a boy when they start wondering about their body parts. I have to tell Will to put it away sometimes!!! He's only 6 (almost, a few days)! Alyssa never saw his penis until recently, and pointed to it and said "ewww... what's that?" I just answered, "that's Will's. don't touch it." I mean, she's only 2.... can't teach her that word yet.

  7. btw, would love to see you in vegas! ill email you in a bit.

  8. My 3 year-old started asking "what's that?" once she had a little brother who needed diaper changes. She likes to regularly inform us that we are a boy or a girl and tell us which private part we have. It's pretty funny. I'm just waiting for the day the teacher calls to discuss how she is also explaining it to the other kids at school. lol. We don't use euphamisms.
    Erin from the Mother Load sent me, by the way!

  9. Okay...so my son said to me..he's 6...(he was naked about to take his nightly shower)...mommy, under my wiener I have two balls. Did you know that? They are round like balls. Is that so cool or what??

  10. LOL!!! I love little boys. They seem to be almost traumatized by any birds and bees conversation. Obviously .... they all get over it. ;-)


  11. Annie, Have not been at your site in a while! Love the new look!

  12. About to get a boy in the house!!!!


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