Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Venting . . . Venting . . .

5 things that you could do to get on my S*** List . . .

1. Eat my chocolate. I have a stash of very good and very yummy dark chocolate. My stash is for emergencies only (read - pretty much every afternoon around 3 o clock), and if I go to my secret hiding place and find it empty . . . watch out! I will hunt you down and hurt you with my chocolate deprived self.

2. Wash my clothes without asking. I know. I know. On the surface, this sounds as if it would be a chore that I would love to have help with daily. And, I would. Love to have help that is. What I do not love is finding piles of clothing that have been washed by someone who shall remain nameless (hubs . . . I am talking to you!) that have items in them that are either not supposed to be washed in the washer or not supposed to be dried in the dryer. I am now down one cashmere sweater, and I am also now the proud owner of one shrunken, but still beautiful, spring blouse. Hubs . . . please do not help me anymore.

3. Wake me up from a sound sleep. Since becoming a mother 8 years ago, I have estimated that I have lost approximately 7,000 hours of sleep. I am seriously sleep deprived people. I daydream about when I can sleep. I crave it like I crave a BLT, and that is saying something since bacon is one of my favorite food groups. So, if you have a need to talk, don't call before 9 am or after 9 pm. I may not be asleep, but . . . I might be. Also, if you are having a nightmare, need water, or have the pukes . . . please stop by hubs side of the bed first. Just sayin'.

4. Drive on the road when you can't see over the steering wheel or remember who was president when you were born. Enough said.

5. Let your kid act like an idiot at the park. News flash: parents, when you take your child to the park, you still have to parent them. Putting your head in a book or texting on your blackberry do not count as parenting. If you choose not to parent, know that I will parent your child when they choose to throw sand, beat up kids younger than them, and/or use foul language. Also know, that if you choose to stick your head in the sand when it comes to your child's behavior, you will be on my list (as well as other parent's lists). We will be waiting for karma to bite you in the butt in a few years. Don't get mad when we laugh.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better.


  1. I am MAJORLY with you on items 2 and 3.

    My husband flips out when I get upset because he has ruined something, and he says, "FINE! I just won't do your laundry any more!" And I answer, "That would be great!" Oh the laundry battle...glad it's not just in my house!

    Oh, and I think he's learned about waking me up...no one wants to deal with me if I have been woken up against my will...it's not pretty.

    Glad I know how to stay off your list!

  2. Have you tried chocolate covered bacon? It's actually pretty good.

    I feel you on the laundry 'help' which is anything but. Men don't think to look at the tag for the care instructions because all their stuff is indestructible and can be washed with a pressure washer and dried with a jet engine. Not so our dainty girl stuff. Managed to train Darling Husband to either ask me about the care of the item in question or to simply set the item aside for me to deal with later, but not before a number of things got ruined with his 'help'.

    Heh-heh. Try hubs' side of the bed first ... love that idea! Too bad I sleep closest to the door and have for so long that there's no switching sides of the bed at this point.

  3. I am all about #2 & #5!!! Sparky is so awesome about doing laundry. Except he always does it his way. Which is fine for the kids clothing & his, however he knows NOT to touch mine. One too many sweaters shrunk into midget size! You said it so well in #5

  4. Upon penalty of death you will take the last Coke from my house! And it is only 'real' Coke, none of that shitty low-cal stuff.

    Don't talk on your damn cell when you're using the bathroom in a public stall or you will be mocked and I will flush just so your listener can hear where you are...

    I am with you on chocolate and please don't 'help' do my laundry...

  5. Annie I am thrilled that you WILL parent those kids at the park. Remember how you would cringe when I would do it especially at Disney World where kids would try to cut in line or act dangerously foolish on a ride. "Mom, please don't use your teacher voice, just be mom today."LOL, Mom


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