Don't get me wrong. I am busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. From the moment that my eyes open slowly in the morning, until those same sleepy eyes drop dead in the evening (sometimes even during dinner), I am on the go.
I follow a carefully choreographed routine that pulls me through each and every day.
breakfast. dressing for school. drop off. load 1 of laundry. straighten kitchen. play. gym workout. preschool pick-up. prepare lunch. eat? load 2 of laundry. naptime for el? play. straighten a room I pick at random. shower? prepare dinner before the witching hour. prepare lessons for tutoring. elementary school pickup. tutoring session. hubby to the rescue. maybe. finish dinner. eat? homework. playtime. bathtime. bed.
In around that order. Every day. Week after week.
Seriously folks. Stay at home momdom is a wonderful blessing. And a curse.
The monotony and the loneliness of stay at home mom life is sometimes overwhelming. And yes, I do have other mommy friends that are in the same boat, and we do support and commiserate with each other, but the fact remains that they too are in the same boat. And, because of that, neither they, nor I, are able to foster a blossoming friendship. I am surviving. They are surviving. Occasionally we share the same life raft and a few laughs.
That's about it.
And, it frequently makes me wonder. Are other moms out there just as isolated? Just as all encompassing busy that just the thought of one more relationship (even if it is with someone that can relate to) puts a strain on the delicate balance of their lives? Are working moms lonely too? Do they stress about all of the things that I do, plus, a full time job?
It's enough to make you want to chop off your hair, run away to bermuda, and hope that no one recognizes you on the way.
Instead, I trudge through. I eat chocolate. I light candles. I drink a glass of wine. And I lock the door to the bathroom, and attempt a bubble bath. I call friends and remember what it feels like to be Annie. Not mom. Or wifey.
I smile at my kiddies and laugh with their laughs. I try to remember that this walking dead tired feeling is a fleeting feeling. That someday my babies will be gone, my washer will get a break, my floors will be sans any stray goldfish. And my heart will ache.
Then, I will know a different loneliness.
So, I will take each and every one of these lonely stay at home mom days.
Even though my kiddies are little, I know I don't have that many left.