Don't get me wrong. I am busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. From the moment that my eyes open slowly in the morning, until those same sleepy eyes drop dead in the evening (sometimes even during dinner), I am on the go.
I follow a carefully choreographed routine that pulls me through each and every day.
breakfast. dressing for school. drop off. load 1 of laundry. straighten kitchen. play. gym workout. preschool pick-up. prepare lunch. eat? load 2 of laundry. naptime for el? play. straighten a room I pick at random. shower? prepare dinner before the witching hour. prepare lessons for tutoring. elementary school pickup. tutoring session. hubby to the rescue. maybe. finish dinner. eat? homework. playtime. bathtime. bed.
In around that order. Every day. Week after week.
Seriously folks. Stay at home momdom is a wonderful blessing. And a curse.
The monotony and the loneliness of stay at home mom life is sometimes overwhelming. And yes, I do have other mommy friends that are in the same boat, and we do support and commiserate with each other, but the fact remains that they too are in the same boat. And, because of that, neither they, nor I, are able to foster a blossoming friendship. I am surviving. They are surviving. Occasionally we share the same life raft and a few laughs.
That's about it.
And, it frequently makes me wonder. Are other moms out there just as isolated? Just as all encompassing busy that just the thought of one more relationship (even if it is with someone that can relate to) puts a strain on the delicate balance of their lives? Are working moms lonely too? Do they stress about all of the things that I do, plus, a full time job?
Egads.
It's enough to make you want to chop off your hair, run away to bermuda, and hope that no one recognizes you on the way.
Instead, I trudge through. I eat chocolate. I light candles. I drink a glass of wine. And I lock the door to the bathroom, and attempt a bubble bath. I call friends and remember what it feels like to be Annie. Not mom. Or wifey.
I smile at my kiddies and laugh with their laughs. I try to remember that this walking dead tired feeling is a fleeting feeling. That someday my babies will be gone, my washer will get a break, my floors will be sans any stray goldfish. And my heart will ache.
Then, I will know a different loneliness.
So, I will take each and every one of these lonely stay at home mom days.
Even though my kiddies are little, I know I don't have that many left.
Posts
I will trade you!
ReplyDeleteLove Mom
I have never commented before....but i really really loved this post. It brought tears to my eyes. I am a stay at home mom too. I have two boys almost 3 and 5 yrs old. Lonely is a great word to describe how you often feel. I love staying at home and wouldn't want it any other way, but it is a wonderful blessing...and a curse! I really love how you summed it up so nicely and in the end are so thankful for each day you have with them, because it doesn't last forever. Thank you so much for writing about this.
ReplyDeleteBeth
Very true. I have 4 kids- one a freshman in college, one a freshman in high school, one a first grader and one in pre-k. It is lonely but as my oldest left for college I got to experience the other lonely. The lonely that makes me go to the living room to tell hiim something and he isn't there. The lonely that gets text messages from him and I am afraid to delete them as it is my only cohtact. So, believe me this loney maybe be hard but it definitely gets harder so enjoy this time you have. The birds leaving the nest just rips your heart out and it is so quiet.
ReplyDeleteWell, I work full time and am a mom of a 4 year old in pre-school full time. Here's a peek into my day...
ReplyDeleteMy day starts at 5:30 a.m. when I wake up, shower, dress, get my son up and leave the house no later than 7. After I drop him off, I run to work (have to be there by 7:30). I have to deal with a stressful job for 10 hours, run home, do dinner, pack lunches, empty backpacs, set clothes out for next day, baths, bed. No time for laundry or straightening anything up.
My home is disheveled. Not dirty, but disheveled. Then on the weekends, I do a laundry and cleaning marathon, and try to squeeze some fun in every now and then. Sunday is church, and if at all possible, a nice, soothing nap because I'm tired all the time. ALL the time.
But still, I wouldn't trade my life. I love it, even though it tends to get too hectic... especially at Christmas time!