Friday, April 10, 2009

To Sleep or Not to Sleep

There are times when I think that Lucy and Ricky were on to something.

The Ricardo's had separate twin beds.  At that time it was necessary  because television executives thought that it was too scandalous to show a married couple in a queen sized bed.     (Wouldn't they be surprised at the Girls Gone Wild commercials? Yikes!)  Apparently the sight of a couple kissing each other goodnight and spooning were sure to offend the American viewers.  So, while Lucy and Ricky never had the chance to snuggle on air, there are times when I am wishing for a little of the opposite.

A bed of my own.

Now lest you think that hubby and I are on the outs, let me set you straight.  We are not!  In fact, his hugs and cuddles are still the best.  But honestly, the man goes a bit overboard.  

Paul is quite frankly, a big guy, and I am, shall we say . . . petite.  This doesn't pose a problem normally, but when we are sleeping, there are times that I feel like I am literally taking my life in my hands.  One night, I dreamed that I was under water and I couldn't surface for air.  A nightmare to say the least.  Well, when I awoke, I found that my big bear of a hubby had rolled over and his extended right arm was placed squarely on my neck.  Yes, his big gun was dead weight resting on my throat.  No wonder I was dreaming of drowning.  I promptly moved his offending appendage, and then for good measure, I gave him a healthy kick.  Hey, it was only fair.

Or what about the fact that Paul has absolutely zero blanket etiquette?  There really is a right way and a wrong way to utilize coverings while sleeping.  First, blankets need to stay covering the bed, but unfortunately, Paul is a consummate cover jammer.  When he climbs into the bed, it is almost as if he is on a stair climber. He has "the crazy legs" as Kramer of Seinfeld would say.  He kicks his legs downward to get comfortable, and naturally, the blankets get wadded up and smooshed down by the bottom of the bed.  This doesn't bother him in the slightest, but it makes me crazy!  How can you use a blanket when it is jammed up?  Impossible, I say!  So, nightly I fight to keep the blankets spread out, while hubby attempts to thwart my efforts.  Futile, really.

Paul also drives me to madness by employing the ineffective rollover.  If he were to use proper blanket etiquette, he would know that it is possible and preferred to roll over  independently of the blanket.  Instead, when he rolls, he pulls the blanket with him, so that he resembles a human crescent roll, and I am left shivering, blanket-less, and quite pissy.  Because of our difference in size, I literally have to get up on my knees to yank the covers back where they belong, all the while muttering curses and the like while hubby snores contentedly away. 

So, twin beds would definitely remedy the situation.  No more dead weight arm, no more jamming, and no more stealing covers. 

In a word . . . bliss.    Too bad I would miss all of the snuggling.

For now, I'll just stick to the hug and roll* method coined by a favorite Friends episode . . .

that and I'll invest in a separate blanket.

*For those of you unfamiliar with the hug and roll method coined by Friends' Ross and Rachel, it involves hugging your bed partner before sleep, and then after he or she dozes off, you roll them away from you so that you may sleep undisturbed.  Genius!  


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