I know that it is hard to be in the spotlight.
People with cameras follow you around. Fans shout adoringly at you and ask you for your signature. You make millions of dollars by reciting lines with flair, or by pouting, slouching, and walking down a runway in designer clothes.
How you even make it through your day . . . I'll never know.
So, to help you through your day, I have compiled a list of 10 positive things you can do to help with your torturous life.
1. DO wear panties!
You will be photographed getting in and out of cars. You do not want your hoo-ha emblazoned all over creation. Common sense, really. (Lindsay? Are you listening??)
2. DO take a prozac before going on Oprah.
(Tom . . . this is for you . . .) I know that it is exciting to meet and talk with the Queen of talk shows, but refrain from showing your exuberance by jumping on couches or exclaiming wildly with your hands. You will scare Oprah, after all, and you will leave the rest of us thinking that you are nuts.
3. DO confiscate your date's smart phones and cameras.
Confiscating your date's smart phone and camera will ensure that he or she does not snap photos of you worshipping the porcelain god.
4. DO pay for your purchases.
(Winona? Pay attention!) You have the cash. Pay for it. End of story. Future jurors will not believe that you "meant" to pay but forgot.
5. DO believe in mental illness. . .
Because a few of you definitely suffer from it. (Charlie? Winning?! Only if you are being diagnosed bipolar. Oh, and Tom? You too.)
6. DO take a parenting class before you have children.
Dangling your child off a balcony over a throng of fans equals bad parenting.
7. DO realize that celebrity news is forever.
Think that people forgot that you cheated on your first wife? (Braaaad? Yes, you. We have not forgotten your indiscretion with Angelina when you were married to Jennifer.) Nope. We will remember the next time you screw up, because every news agency will drudge up past photos, quotes, and video clips of your mistake. No amount of baby adopting or house building will ultimately erase your indiscretion.
8. DO have a sense of humor.
Being a star makes you a target. Why not have a sense of humor about it? Julia, you did this beautifully when you played a role that required you to then imitate your star self (Ocean's 12). Your sense of humor made us love you even more.
9. DO respect the legal system. . .
Because you will probably be involved with it in some form or another. Having "F*** You" written on your middle fingernail during your hearing will not gain favor with the judge or the prosecution. (Lindsay? Again?!?) Just sayin'.
10. DO suck it up.
Being a star means that you have to deal with paparazzi, and autographs, and fans, and the spotlight. Suck it up. Take the good with the bad. We will love you more for it.
Hope this helps.
Linking to Mama's! :)