There are times when words escape me. (I know. I know. It is not that often, much to my husband's chagrin.)
But, recently, a fellow blogger, Daffy, from Batcrap Crazy, lost her big sister unexpectedly, and when I heard the news, I instantly felt like I had been punched in the stomach. To lose a sister is more than just losing a member of your family. It means losing your best friend. It means losing your secret keeper. It means losing the person that shares your memories. My heart and thoughts and prayers goes out to my bloggy friend, Daffy.
In yucky times like these I am always comforted by strange things. Warm socks. Chocolate or bacon. And meaningful words. When thinking about losing a sister, I am comforted by e.e. cummings and his poem, i carry your heart with me.
i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
You may recognize this poem from the recent movie, In Her Shoes, but as a former English teacher, I had discovered this beauty long ago. And really, how else can I share how special my bond is with own my sister, but to acknowledge that I carry her heart ( and secrets and memories and loves) within my own heart.
It is the best gift that I can give her.
So, to Daffy, know that your sister will always be a part of you and who you are. Find comfort in all of the loves and hugs that surround you, and if you need some Pig Candy (Bacon cooked in brown sugar. Holy yum!) know that I am just an email away.
And to my sister, Jaime, know that i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart).
I love you.