There was a bird inside my house today.
An outside bird.
I am beginning to think that I live in the Wild Kingdom. (Remember the squirrel from awhile back? If you are new, you need to click that link to read about him. Seriously. You do.)
Anyhow, I was puttering around in the remodeling zone that is my kitchen when I heard the sound.
"Tweet! Tweet! TWEETY TWEET TWEET!!"
At first, I actually thought, "Wow! What a pretty spring song!" Then, I realized that the melody was loud. Really loud. Entirely too loud for me to be hearing with such clarity when the windows to my house were shut.
I consulted help for fear I was officially going crazy and hearing tweeting in my head. "Ab? Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?" she answered. Typical kid!
"Tweet! Tweet! TWEETY TWEET TWEET!!" chirped the bird, and I replied to Ab, "THAT! Do you hear that bird?"
She got up from her seat, joined me in the kitchen and strained her ear. "Yep, mom. It's definitely a bird, so what?"
"So???? It's in the house somewhere! That's what!"
And with that, I went off in search of the tweeter armed and ready. I was carrying an upside broom and a flyswatter. That's right. I made weapons out of my cleaning tools. I am good like that.
I followed that tweet and soon I was led to the basement where there he sat. Right outside my laundry room door. Looking at me.
I'll admit. I didn't have a clue about what to do in this situation. I mean, really, this wasn't exactly in the job description. And, I knew that I did not have Cinderella's charms to coax tweety into making me a fabulous formal gown, so I just had to, ahem, wing it. ( I know. I know. That was bad. I just couldn't resist.)
With broom aloft, I charged!
Unafraid, tweety charged right back wings flapping furiously.
And, my friends, I will tell you with all honesty that that flapping got to me. Got. to. me. The noise of those flaps, and also the sight of it gave me a case of the willies so bad that I ran, screaming, up the steps two at a time and slammed the basement door.
Clearly, I needed to reformulate my plan, I thought as I leaned and panted against the basement door. Then, I caught sight of my daughter.
"Ab! Stop laughing!!! Get up and run and get me a towel!!" I ordered. Bless her little heart, even though her sides were probably aching from laughter, she fetched me a towel, and I went back to battle.
With towel in hand, I cautiously opened the basement door.
I slammed the door again.
Yes. That's right. That tweeter followed me up the stairs and was now perched on the top step just beyond the door. Tweeter!
So, I did the only thing that I could. I took him by surprise. I flung the door open, threw the towel over him, scooped him up, and ran out the door. Once on my deck, I dropped the towel and the tweeter escaped to the skies.
He was free!
But, more importantly, I was free of a wild animal in my home.
That is, my house is free of wild animals if you do not include my kiddies or hubs, but that, of course is a post for another day.
Just call me the bird whisperer.