Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Honest Pre-Nup

cartoon pic from agweb.com, artist notated above

There was a time that if Hubs had asked me to sign a prenuptial agreement, I would have been offended.  I would have thought that he was dooming our marriage to failure by preparing for a "what if".

Now, after 10 years of marriage, I see things a bit differently.

And, if I had to do it all over again, I would have drawn up the following pre-nup.


from tullylegal.wordpress.com

I, Annie, hereinafter referred to as Wifey, and I, Paul, hereinafter referred to as Hubs, hereby agree to the following terms upon the completion of our wedding.

1.  Wifey will not take offense to Hubs when he pollutes the bathroom on a daily basis.  Furthermore, Wifey will not question Hubs or his bowels despite any lingering odors in the bathroom, even if it is hours after the said offense.

2.  Hubs will not roll his eyes  and will refrain from commenting negatively when . .
a) Wifey returns from a shopping trip with 17 bags and states, "Look how much money I saved you!"
b)  Wifey rearranges the furniture in the living room on a weekly basis.
c) Wifey accidentally deletes the saved Steeler Super Bowl game from the dvr.

3.  Except as otherwise stated below,  Wifey waives the following rights . . .
a) the right to watch a Lifetime movie on the "good" TV on Saturdays and Sundays during football season.
b) the right to eat a meal in a restaurant that does not have a TV or Wi Fi service during football season.
c) the right to see Hubs on a 70 degree, blue sky day, and Hubs has an offer for Country Club golf for free.
d) the right to comment on old photos of Hubs with wistful thoughts like, "Why can't you still have abs like that?"

4.  Except as otherwise stated below, Hubs waives the following rights . . .
a) the right to watch or participate in any sporting event on Valentine's Day, wedding anniversary, or any holiday deemed "important" by Wifey or the Hallmark corporation.
b) the right to comment on any new hair do that Wifey sports, despite any likenesses to a chiuaua's coat, a striped skunk, or an electrocuted rat.
c) the right to veto any new dinner recipe that took longer than 30 minutes to prepare even if said recipe contains vegetables and requires 4 beers to get down.
d) the right to have vehicle with a clean interior free from receipts, Starbuck's cups, Krispy Kreme wrappers, or any kiddie item deemed appropriate by future kiddies.

5.  Both parties agree that despite their love for one another, there will be times when one or both parties will want to . . .
a) physically strangle the other party.
b) pull the other party's toenails out one toe at a time
c)kill the other person.
Despite these overwhelming urges, both parties agree not to act upon these feelings.

6) When one or both of the above parties has feelings described in section 5, both parties agree to . . .
a) take a deep breath.
b)try to remember why they fell in love in the first place.

7) If the parties fail to choose part a or b of section six above, the parties will instead do the following . . .
a) decide to love the other person despite the fact that the other person is acting like an idiot.
b) remember that marriage is like a roller coaster.  It has its ups and downs. It may make you scream in delight or it may may make you want to puke your guts out. The parties will remember, that marriage, in the end, it is such a great ride.

This agreement constitutes the entire agreement of the parties and may only be modified in writing by both Wifey and Hubs. 

I fully agree to the above agreement and understand its implications.  I agree to its contents and terms.
Signed
Annie and Paul

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Now, it's your turn . . .
all of you married and unmarried bloggy friends, what would you add?

I will be linking this to Mama Kat's writer's workshop this Thursday.  Come back then to link up with her!

10 comments:

  1. Now that's a pre-nup I like.

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  2. Those are so on point, who cares about the financial aspect! This is what makes or breaks a marriage. You go, girl. But, I would include that marriage does NOT include preparing lunch because 'hubs' decides to stop by on his way to something during the work day.

    Come visit when you can and check out my new vlog!

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  3. Haha... That's a great take on prenup-- I was thinking of it from a totally different point of view.. :)
    Awesome post.

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  4. What an awesome prenup! I laughed out loud many times. So glad I clicked your link at Mama Kat's!

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  5. your comment section needed a dose of testosterone. as a bonafide "dude" i have to say that i like your prenuptial, however it lacks a section on "big-boy-toy-patience" and road trips without incessant stops...

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  6. I would add a cabinet door clause. Mine would read "Hubby, you must make a concentrated effort to close all cabinet doors when done removing items from said cabinets. In return I will make a concentrated effort to listen to you."

    It's a real problem in our house. :)

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  7. I always tell him I want him to pretend I'm his secretary...(not THAT way!) because he never burps or farts in front of her!

    I also might have to have a tripping over giant shoes clause.

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  8. I agree to let him drive the remote control except during labor and delivery.

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