I have decided to do something drastic.
After a 1o hour car trip that took 14 hours . . .
and a beach rental that only has one TV . . .
I have decided.
Dora the Explorer must die.
Now, I have to admit. I did not come to this idea all by myself. I was inspired by one of the characters on the fabulous TV show, Modern Family. After a uncharacteristic stint as a stay-at-home dad, one of the characters admitted his secret desire to take out the Explorer, herself. He said, "I am plotting Dora's murder. I am going to fill that backpack with rocks and dump her in the river. " And as I laughed because I could soooooo totally identify, I began to consider the possibility. It wasn't until my recent road trip with the kiddies, however, that I plotted it in earnest.
Dora must die.
I figure I could send her on an adventure in which she will never come back. I can send her to find the great "white light". Along the way, Boots the Monkey can find his very own cement monkey shoes, and Swiper the Fox can get sideswiped by a Mack truck. The map can commit suicide after meeting Mr. GPS and discovering that he is now, in fact, completely useless. Finally, Dora and her backpack can sing "C'mon, Vamanos!" as they skip merrily into the light.
It would be a beautiful passing.
Too bad it's only a dream.
*****Any other characters need offing?? Let me know. I am probably your girl.********