"Mom? Why are we using paper plates?"
Because I can not stand the sight of another dirty plate.
"Mom? Why are we eating the long noodles and not the twisty ones?"
Because I am an idiot and forgot about the fact that long noodles= slurping spaghetti = a hot, saucy mess.
"Mom? I think that the dog likes my black beans and rice!"
Seriously? I will spit twice and crawl under my blankie to hide if that dog gets the black bean runs.
"Mom? I helped you! I painted my own closet with the leftover paint!
Sweet Mary mother of God . . . did Jesus ever do this to you?
"Mom? I just watched the dog poop on the floor!"
Really? You watched him? Why didn't you STOP him?
"Mom? I don't think that I have taken a bath in a week."
Oh lord . . . I hope no one has called children services because my kid smells.
"Mom? Why is the bathroom door locked?"
Because I am trying to believe that Calgon can really truly take me away.
"Mom? I love you."
"Me too kid. Me too."
This time I answer loud and clear.