1. Arrive to see the fat man, himself, and realize that the line is about 20 people deep. Actually feel excited that it is only 20 people deep and not 40.
2. Watch as Ethan systematically knocks over the winding, holding ropes for the line. (Did you know that when one topples they all topple in domino-like style? Actually, it was pretty cool.)
3. Answer approximately 547 people who ask, "Oooh! What happened to her leg?" when they see Ellerie's neon purple cast.
4. Receive approximately 547 knowing looks after the explanation, which, oddly, do not make me feel any better about it.
5. Listen to Ellerie's screams of delight when she spied Santa Claus.
6. Listen to all of the snickers from the people that heard Ellerie happily call out, "Santa Cock! Santa Cock!"
7. Snicker myself at her turn of phrase. Remember that she will be red-faced and embarrassed when I tell this story to her future boyfriend.
8. Watch as Ethan and Ab climb up on Santa's lap, and Ethan gives him a full minute long list of his must-haves for Christmas.
9. Acknowledge Santa's roll of the eyes and his knowing wink at me at the preposterous length of Ethan's list. (By the way, Santa's response to Ethan was, "Buddy, I'll try my best.")
10. Hold Ellerie captive between my legs as she thrashes on the floor in temper tantrum mode, screaming, "No! Santa Cock! Noooooooo!"
11. Accept the polite giggles and chortles that waft their way to my ears. Realize that karma is a bitch, and they will get theirs!
12. Discover that Santa brought his real live reindeer. (How cool!!) Watch as they laze around in the hay.
13. Discover the nativity scene with real live barn yard animals.
14. Hold my nose because of the lovely aroma emanating from those same barnyard animals.
15. Listen to Ethan's exclamation of surprise when he spied the donkeys playing piggy back. Realize that the donkeys were, shall we say, being a bit amorous, and not, in fact, playing piggy back.
16. Pee my pants from laughing so hard.
17. Avoid a full-blown birds and the bees conversation with the kiddies by agreeing with Ethan's piggy back assessment of the donkeys.
And how was your evening?!?!