Deep Thoughts Inspired By What Not To Wear

Although it is sweltering outside, the inside of my house is cool and quiet.  The kids are at the pool with hubs, and I am indulging in a favorite guilty pleasure, watching What Not To Wear.

Except today is different.

Today, Clinton and Stacy are helping a mommy blogger.  Specifically, they are helping Amanda of Parenting By Dummies.  She is a busy mommy of 3, like me, and she is one funny lady.  Amanda, in real life, is much like she is on her blog.  Endearing, real, and quick to point out her own inadequacies for a laugh.

Just a doll.

So, why did she need Clinton and Stacy? 

Amanda needed the What Not to Wear team because her confident, blogging voice, her Amanda-ness, did not shine through to the people that she knew in real life.  Heck.  Amanda's confident blog persona did not even come through to herself.  Her outside appearance did not match her inside self.

Clearly, she had a disconnect.

And that made me wonder.

Am I who I appear to be on this blog?

Sure.  Many of you that follow me read my silly stories about being a mom and wife.  You hear about my embarrassments like shaving my armpit in the CVS parking lot or even flashing my panties at the local Target.  You even share my losses like when a former student passed away.  You know those parts of me.

But if I met you at a party, would I be as engaging, as confident, as interesting?

The sad truth is . . . probably not.

Because the the truth is that behind this computer screen, I feel safe.  If you don't like me, so what?  If I don't meet your expectations,  no biggie.  If you don't agree with me, I don't care.  This screen is like an invisible armor around the real me.

But in real life,  if you don't like me, your eyes can't lie, and I can feel that disapproval burn into my skin.

In real life, if I don't meet your expectations, I will feel the crushing disappointment of falling short of pleasing you.

In real life, if you don't agree with me, I will probably take it personally even if your opinion has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Like Amanda, I have a disconnect.

And, if I want to be a successful writer, I have to find a way to make my everyday Annie feel just as strong and empowered as the blogger Annie.  I need to find a way to wear my invisible armor in my everday life.

And I think that just by hitting the publish button . . . I may have taken the first step.


*****************linking to Shell and PYHO****************************

Success! And a Naked Man . . .

Me overlooking the swollen Ohio River at mile 7.

I did it.

13.1 miles in the Flying Pig Marathon? 

Done!

So, did pigs actually fly?

No.

But . . . .

There was a monsoon to run through.

And . . .

A man was arrested and tased at mile 6 for running naked.

No.

I am not kidding.

And, no.

There are no pics or video I can find.



My two cents?

1) Life is never boring.

And

2)  Don't you think that running naked in the rain would, well, hurt?  Just wondering.


Off to eat (and eat and eat!!!)

When Is the Right Time to Spill My Secrets?

When is the right time to tell your kids about who you really are?

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Don't get me wrong.  My kiddies know me.  They know me well.

But, their image of me is tied to mothering.  I am mom.  I am the one that kisses their skinned knees.  I am the one that gets whacked out about pig sty-like bedrooms.   I am the one that is the Wii dance champion.

I am their mom.

They see me as their blankie.  Their go-to girl when things get tough.  Their supporter and cheerleader and pride bursting braggart.

They see me as mom.

But, often, I wonder, when will they see me as Annie?  When will they understand that I was a full and complete person before I ever considered becoming their mother?

I don't have the answers.

And, right now, I would say that my kids know the basics.  I am honest with them. If they have a question about me, I will answer it.  They know that I was a good student and that I stayed out of trouble.  They know that I was active in school activities, that I was a color guard band geek, that I dated different boys.  They know that I worked as a summer camp counselor, as a life guard, as a bra sales girl at Victoria's Secret.  I regale them with tales from these jobs and from my others as trainer and aerobics instructor and eventually as teacher.  I share funny stories about my college years and the craziness that I encountered.

They know the basics.

But, when is the right time to share that one of my high school boyfriends was crazy, came to my school to confront me about our breakup, and physically restrained me until teachers intervened?  When is the right time to share that despite being highly involved in lots of school activities, there were times that I felt desperately alone?  When is the right time to share that I experienced the "mean girls" in full force?  That I was bullied?  When is the right time to share about my stupid mistakes in college with friends?  With alcohol?  With schoolwork?  When is the right time to share about my first failed marriage? About my ex? About how I think that my divorce was one of the best things that has ever happened to me?

When?

It is a fine line.

On one hand, I do not want to lie to them or withhold information.  On the other hand, I am their mother.  I know them.  I want to protect them.  I know that right now, they are not old enough or mature enough to handle the information.  But, time has a way of speeding by, like the scenery out the window from the backseat of a car, and I know that sooner, rather than later, the "right" time will arrive. 

savagechickens.com

It will be time for them to meet Annie, a different Annie than they know.

I hope I am ready.

The Honest Pre-Nup

cartoon pic from agweb.com, artist notated above

There was a time that if Hubs had asked me to sign a prenuptial agreement, I would have been offended.  I would have thought that he was dooming our marriage to failure by preparing for a "what if".

Now, after 10 years of marriage, I see things a bit differently.

And, if I had to do it all over again, I would have drawn up the following pre-nup.



from tullylegal.wordpress.com


I, Annie, hereinafter referred to as Wifey, and I, Paul, hereinafter referred to as Hubs, hereby agree to the following terms upon the completion of our wedding.

1.  Wifey will not take offense to Hubs when he pollutes the bathroom on a daily basis.  Furthermore, Wifey will not question Hubs or his bowels despite any lingering odors in the bathroom, even if it is hours after the said offense.

2.  Hubs will not roll his eyes  and will refrain from commenting negatively when . .
a) Wifey returns from a shopping trip with 17 bags and states, "Look how much money I saved you!"
b)  Wifey rearranges the furniture in the living room on a weekly basis.
c) Wifey accidentally deletes the saved Steeler Super Bowl game from the dvr.

3.  Except as otherwise stated below,  Wifey waives the following rights . . .
a) the right to watch a Lifetime movie on the "good" TV on Saturdays and Sundays during football season.
b) the right to eat a meal in a restaurant that does not have a TV or Wi Fi service during football season.
c) the right to see Hubs on a 70 degree, blue sky day, and Hubs has an offer for Country Club golf for free.
d) the right to comment on old photos of Hubs with wistful thoughts like, "Why can't you still have abs like that?"

4.  Except as otherwise stated below, Hubs waives the following rights . . .
a) the right to watch or participate in any sporting event on Valentine's Day, wedding anniversary, or any holiday deemed "important" by Wifey or the Hallmark corporation.
b) the right to comment on any new hair do that Wifey sports, despite any likenesses to a chiuaua's coat, a striped skunk, or an electrocuted rat.
c) the right to veto any new dinner recipe that took longer than 30 minutes to prepare even if said recipe contains vegetables and requires 4 beers to get down.
d) the right to have vehicle with a clean interior free from receipts, Starbuck's cups, Krispy Kreme wrappers, or any kiddie item deemed appropriate by future kiddies.

5.  Both parties agree that despite their love for one another, there will be times when one or both parties will want to . . .
a) physically strangle the other party.
b) pull the other party's toenails out one toe at a time
c)kill the other person.
Despite these overwhelming urges, both parties agree not to act upon these feelings.

6) When one or both of the above parties has feelings described in section 5, both parties agree to . . .
a) take a deep breath.
b)try to remember why they fell in love in the first place.

7) If the parties fail to choose part a or b of section six above, the parties will instead do the following . . .
a) decide to love the other person despite the fact that the other person is acting like an idiot.
b) remember that marriage is like a roller coaster.  It has its ups and downs. It may make you scream in delight or it may may make you want to puke your guts out. The parties will remember, that marriage, in the end, it is such a great ride.

This agreement constitutes the entire agreement of the parties and may only be modified in writing by both Wifey and Hubs. 

I fully agree to the above agreement and understand its implications.  I agree to its contents and terms.
Signed
Annie and Paul

*******************************************************
Now, it's your turn . . .
all of you married and unmarried bloggy friends, what would you add?

I will be linking this to Mama Kat's writer's workshop this Thursday.  Come back then to link up with her!

What Do You Say When . . .

What do you say when . . .


-your six year old son says, "WOW mom!  My penis is sooooooo big right now."?

- you discover that your three year old has a secret hiding place under the dining room table where she has hidden her babies, your cell phone, and an old banana?

-you discover that said hiding place is also where your 3 year old goes to pick her nose in "pwi- vate."?



What do you say when . . .

-you are looking for your favorite pair of tweezers and your nine year old daughter remarks, "Yeah mom.  I was going to tell you that you needed to tweeze."?

-your three year old declares, "No panties!  I don't like panties!!"?

-your husband explains, "I thought that I would help with the laundry.  I put a load of my sweatshirts in the wash . . . on delicate."? 



And finally . . .


What do you say when . . .

-you discover that your team name at the local watering hole's trivia night is Crouching Woman, Hidden Cucumber?   (Stop laughing!  I am not making this stuff up, and it gets worse.)

- you find out that you have been selected to represent team Crouching Woman, Hidden Cucumber in a trivia game musical tie in front of the entire population of the watering hole?

-the trivia game's emcee asks, "Are you THE Crouching Woman, Hidden Cucumber?"  (See.  I told you.)



Yeah.

I am speechless too.

That Woman . . . You Know the One

*****I am linking this to Mama Kat's confession prompt this week, since being "that women" entails  confessing some of my craziness. :)  Enjoy!**********



I am that woman.

I am the woman that allows her kids to climb through the clothing racks in the mall while I shop.

I am the woman that frequently has kids with unbrushed hair or dirty fingernails.

I am the woman that does not think twice about dropping off my kids at school while wearing slippers.

I am that woman.

I am the woman that goes to CVS to pick up a prescription without remembering to remove the zit cream from her face.

I am the woman that you caught picking her zit at a stoplight, while checking herself out in the rear view mirror.

I am the woman in the grocery store line, frantically searching through her purse for her ATM card, only to remember that I left in in my jeans pocket from the day before.

I am that woman.

I am the woman that occasionally (OK.  OK!  frequently) uses a curse word or four when the stresses of everyday life get the best of me.

I am the woman that will yell at her children if the occasion requires it.

I am the woman that will yell at YOUR children if you are at the park, with your nose in your kindle, and the situation requires it.

I am that woman.

I am the woman that dreads bringing treats to her kid's class.

I am the woman that would much rather pull my hair out strand by strand than organize and lead a girl scout meeting.

I am also the woman that feels guilty about the above, and therefore gets suckered into volunteering.

I am that woman.

I am the woman that likes to go on dates with my hubby.

I am the woman that loves to get tackled by my kindergartner as he gets off the bus.

I am the woman that loves tickle fights, wet kiddie kisses, and the smell of dirty kids after they have played outside for hours.

I am that woman.

I am the woman that wears her heart on her sleeve.

I  am the woman that prays hard.

I am the woman that loves harder.

I am that woman.


Hear me roar!






How do you embrace your "that woman"?

Elmo and Katy . . . Hot OR Cold????

You may know Katy Perry.


She sings the song California Gurls and Hot N Cold.


Catchy tunes. Very catchy.  In fact, Ellerie, my 2 year old,  loves to sing the Hot N Cold song.  She first heard it on the Chipmunk's The Squeakqual movie.


Well, Sesame Street picked up on the fact that Hot N Cold is a catchy song and that the kiddies seem to love it, so they paired up Katy Perry and Elmo for a video.  Fun, right?



Apparently, no.

In the video released on You Tube, Katy and Elmo sing as she wears a yellow bustier.  Check it out.

The video begins with Katy explaining that Elmo invited her over to play dress up and that she wore her dress up clothes.  After getting over one million hits on You Tube, some very vocal parents and critics criticized Sesame Street for Katy's outfit in the video.  Most critiques said that the yellow bustier was too sexually suggestive for young children.



Really?



I personally thought that it looked like a ridiculous dress up outfit.  Completely normal for the 3 to 5 year old set in my mind especially when I considered the following womanly icons that my little girls have loved.

Isn't Tink wearing a green bustier?  Or is that just me?

And what about Jasmine? Maybe Aladdin was all gaga for her teal bustier.  Just sayin'.



Holy Pocahontas!  Isn't Poca's outfit similar to Katy's?  I didn't see John Smith protesting.

Or what about Ariel?  Those sea shells look as if one wave could knock them right off.  Am I right?

Hmmmm.

Deep thoughts, huh?

My point is that I don't think that Sesame Street should have pulled the video so quickly because a group of parents objected to Katy's outfit, because when you look at other kiddie figures,  Katy's outfit doesn't seem so risque.

Although, if Sesame Street was looking for publicity . . .  the you tube video now has over 3,500,000 hits and Katy Perry spoofed the show on Saturday Night Live. So, if publicity was Sesame Street's goal, their PR man was genius.

Either that or Elmo may just be getting the cold shoulder.

 

****pics were from various websites but all ultimately were (and are) Disney icons*****