Relaxing? HA!

I have concluded that going on vacation is a lot of work.

Just to prepare to go to the beach for a couple of weeks, I have had to:

1) Make sure that my laundry is done.  (And, you can now stop laughing!) This in and of itself is almost an impossible job, because, frankly, if the laundry is completely clean, then there is not enough drawer space in this old house to put it all away properly.  Thankfully, with vacations comes luggage, so clean laundry is going directly into those, and not into overflowing piles on the floor.  

2) Clean out the refrigerator.  Now, it would be nice if I was talking about removing all of the food and cleaning the shelves with hot, soapy water.  Lord knows it needs that!  No, I am talking about using up food that will go bad while we are gone.  Consequently, we have had some interesting concoctions for dinner.  One night my husband grilled italian sausages, the little one ate it with shredded  monterey jack cheese, and for a side dish we had mushrooms and nectarines.  Not exactly the gourmet meal one dreams about.  This morning the kids have the option of splitting a yogurt, eating dry cereal with no milk (we finished that!), or some sour cream.   . . . I am betting that I will end up throwing out that sour cream. 

3)  Choose toys for the beach house and the car ride.  This one is super difficult.  First off, I want toys that will keep the kiddies busy during the 11 hour car drive.  But, I would prefer that those toys be relatively quiet.  And yes, we have packed books, and CD's, and DVD's, but what about after that???  What toy can you produce for a 19 month old that doesn't have something that crinkles, buttons that beep, or a monotonous song that makes camp in your in brain.  Even Elmo's patented laugh gets a bit old after the third hour of his giggles.  At that point he can tickle himself right out of my car for all I care.  Hubby, being the sarcastic fool that he is, recommended that I just give El a roll of aluminum foil to occupy herself happy.  He apparently thinks her recent addiction to foil is . . . funny.  I wonder how funny he would think it is if he had to re-roll the 75 feet of foil for the third time.  Hmmmmm.

4)  Take care of two weeks worth of household chores.  Just thinking about this one gives me a stomach ache.  First, I have had to do the household bills in advance.  They are now in my planner labeled as to when I can mail them out so as not to overdraw my account.  Keep your fingers crossed that the checks don't cross in the mail.  Then, I have had to arrange mail pick up, newspaper stoppage, back-up for the inevitable non-stopping newspaper (In 7 years of vacations, they have never done it correctly. No, I am not exaggerating.  The local newspaper is that bad.) and a multitude of other little chores.  My brain is swimming with all of the details, and I am sure that I will forget something.  At least this year I know that I won't forget to remember to arrange for Sammy the Cat.  I am embarrassed to say that one year he did make the short list.  Fortunately, being a cat and a bit of a snob, he didn't care.

5) Maintain all of my normal household duties in spite of the above.  I have to admit, this chore is slipping.  There are goldfish swimming under the coffee table and dust bunnies procreating under my bed.  My bathroom mirrors are desperate for a cleaning.  El's soapy hand prints have adorned them for at least three days.  When you glance at your reflection, it looks as if her little hand prints are choking you.  Startling to say the least. I have given up on the basement and other nether regions of my house too.  I figure if someone were to rob us while we are away, they will not walk around noticing how very clean my furniture is.  And, if they do, they need to look for another line of employment.

So there you have it.  

Vacation insanity at its best.

Relaxing?  Isn't it?