Friday, July 2, 2010

Excuse Me?!? Is That Sooooooo Hard????

There are times when you just have to let one go.

One what, you ask?

Well, a burp, of course.

Yes, a burp can hit the spot after drinking a 44 oz Big Gulp, or maybe after inhaling a big bowl of steaming chili, or even after consuming the yummy loaded bacon cheese fries I ate the other night on vacation.

In any of these situations, a burp could be considered an appropriate response to its stimulus. And, as long as there is the required, "Excuse me!" no one would be the least bit offended.

But, as I was checking out at the local discount store while on vacation, I couldn't believe my ears. The checkout lady was busily checking out my items. She would grab one, quickly run it over the scanner, and when the computer registered a loud BEEP, she would deposit the item into my shopping bag. It created its own music. Grab, swish, scan, BEEP! Grab, swish, scan, BEEP! I listened and watched intently until I heard it.


It was a Booger burp.

Immediately, I jerked my head upward. That was some impressive burp! Quickly, I looked over at my Ethan. I shot him the motherly look that said with my eyes . . . I know what you did! Fess up!!

He knew that look, and replied out loud, "Mom, I swear. It wasn't me!" Then he glanced at the checker expectantly.

My gaze turned to the checkout girl. Truthfully, I was a bit surprised that a burp that loud and that disgusting could emanate from this very, obvious adult lady. As I was wrapping my head around it, I must have forgotten to turn off my mom-guilt gaze, because the checker stopped her grab-swish-scan routine, darted her eyes up to me, and said, "Umm, yeah, excuse me, I guess?"

And then she rolled her eyes at me.

Now, I am usually a go with the flow kind of gal when it comes to bodily functions. I live with a man that pollutes my bathroom on a regular basis, and a son that can burp up to the letter J when he burps the alphabet. Clearly, I am no stranger to the music of our bodies, and although it is gross, I can usually let it go, if there is a mannerly, "Excuse me, " or even a timely, "Pardon me!"

After all, farts happen. Burps happen. I can deal. Really, I can. At times, I can even appreciate their comic timing and eye watering aromas. . .

But, if you roll your eyes at me, WATCH OUT!

Not only does an eye roll completely negate the previous "Excuse me, " it blatantly waves a red flag in front of the bull. It says, "Yes, I know that I am supposed to excuse my poor behavior, but I am only doing it because I am supposed to. I. don't. really. mean. it!"

And that, my dear friends, is what got to me. If I was not in vacation mode and instead in my full mom-mode, I think I may have just given that checker a tongue lashing . . . after I had slapped her eyes back to their rightful position.

So, in conclusion. . .

A burp? Gross, but usually OK.

A burp and some manners? Positively acceptable.

A burp ( reminiscent of Booger's burp in Revenge of the Nerds), a pseudo apology, and an eye roll?



  1. Thank you. I just want to thank you. I thought I was like, the burp gestapo or something. I despise someone burping and not saying excuse me. That is almost as bad as someone smacking at the dinner table or talking with their mouth full.
    Have a great 4th of July weekend.

  2. How rude!!! That checkout girl needs a stern talkin to by her momma!!!

  3. Love the page Annie M.!!! e.w.

  4. Preach, Preachah!!! The world is headed to heck in a hand basket if we don't expect a standard of behavior from ourselves and those around us.

  5. An eye roll can get me going, too :) I don't know what I would have done!

  6. Oh you are so funny. I too would of wanted to slap the eyes back into focus for the mom look yet again and a real excuse me.
    I hope you and your family have a super holiday weekend. Take care and God Bless!!!

  7. Ha. That is too funny. Funny as in shockingly funny. And good for you for putting her in her place...even on vacation.

  8. Hear, hear! Actually, I have resorted to rolling my eyes once or twice when dealing with people at work, but in my defense, these people were crazy! ;)


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