Friday, August 26, 2011

I Am One Hot Mama . . . Until . . .

I am one hot mama. . . until I glance in my rearview mirror and realize that I am not cruising in my imaginary jeep with the top down but instead am driving 17 kids in a dented mini van and that there is no way that driving a mini van will ever be considered hot.

I am a laundry queen . . .  until I forget to turn on the dryer and leave a load of wet clothes sitting for two days.

I am a domestic goddess . . . until I unload the entire dishwasher on auto-pilot and realize only as I am sorting silverware that the load of dishes is, in fact, still dirty.

I am a financial whiz . . . until I realize that we only have .97 cents in the bank until payday . . . 10 days from now.

I am one sporty mom . . . until I run 3 miles, in new running shoes with too short socks and cause myself blisters that are so monstrous and oozing that I can hardly walk without wincing for the next day.

I am one sex kitten wife . . . until hubs points out that my stained pj's with the flowerpots on them are at least 10 years old and less than, ummmmm, desiring or inspiring.

I am one school volunteering mom . . . until I realize that in order to actually bake for the school bake sale in October, you have to take a class with a real-life baker, in order to produce "pretty" bake sale items. (Side note . . . No.  I am not kidding.)

I am one culinary master . . . until my kids inform me that daddy's hamburger helper is waaaaaay tastier than my made-from-scratch fettucini alfredo.

I am one hot bodied lady . . . until the sales clerk at Victoria's Secret politely explains that they do not carry my size any longer.


It's a good thing that I am not in the coroporate world.

Even I would fire myself.


  1. I get ALL of these! Sigh is so right!

  2. Oh man....I SO get it. Motherhood is both depressing and rewarding.

  3. We just can't be everything at once, despite the examples (exceptions to the norm, no doubt), I bet you are mostly amazing!

  4. ---Brilliant!
    Is that true about the Baking Class? WTH?
    Love your blog :)

  5. Right on! I always imagine when I'm walking through the mall with my 3 kids that someone is looking at me and saying, "Wow, look at that teenage mom." Sadly when I go to try on clothes I realize I am almost 40. Enjoyed your post

  6. I was a young girl getting married and looking for some 'enticing' lingerie for the honeymoon. I'm 5'1". Saleslady was at least 5'6" and, after showing me some cute cotton babydoll pajamas (oh, please!). I said I'd like to see the sexy-stuff and she informed me that I was too short to be sexy... You're doing great! Come visit when you can.


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