This Oven WAS NOT Full of Lovin'

I was a naive teenager.

I'll admit it.

I was the girl that thought that when Madonna sang Like a Virgin, she was talking about the Virgin Mary. 

I was the girl that had no idea what Frankie was really talking about when he sang Relax . . . Don't Do It, When You Wanna Come.

Yep.

That was me.

So when I had my first job at a local pizza place, I suspected nothing amiss.  I eagerly swallowed the story that the only size work shirt that the shop had left for me was an extra small.  I readily believed my boss and his son as he handed over my uniform, and I left feeling great that I would start my new job the next Friday evening.

A new job and free pizza?  Seriously, what more could a teenager want?

Apparently,  I could have taken the lead from The Wizard of Oz's scarecrow and wished for a brain.
Because I certainly wasn't using my brain when I showed up for my shift wearing my way too small t-shirt uniform with the words Luv'n Oven emblazoned across my boobs.

Naive?

Yes.

Clueless?

Most definitely.

The bright side?

I made loads of tips that I am now sure were not because of my smile.



********Linking to Mama Kat's . . .****************

A Gift for Mother Nature for Mother's Day

Dear Mother Nature,

Mother's Day is coming up this weekend, and I thought that I would get you a gift.  (I am good like that.)  At first, though, I was perplexed.  I mean, really, what do you get for Mother Nature, the mother of all mothers?

Flowers?



redbudfarms.com



Umm. No!  You grow the most beautiful ones yourself.

Candy?



godiva.com



No.  Not quite right.  Although dark chocolate is such a treasure!

And speaking of treasures . . . what about precious gems?



Nope.  Again, you could make those yourself, deep within the earth.

But then I had a eureka moment!

Mother Nature . . . may I present you with your new Garmin GPS !

garmin.com

Because judging by the amount of rain that we have received lately, I think that you must be a little directionally challenged this year.  You must think that the Midwest is really a rain forest, and I am here to tell you, it is not! 

So please Mother Nature, use your Garmin well.  Locate the Midwest.  Locate the rain forests.  Notice that they are in two very different parts of the globe, and then, promptly redirect your weather and climate choices.


Sincerely awaiting the spring sunshine (and a dry basement),

Annie

PS  Just wanted to throw out there that we are in a recession.  The best way to keep your job is to do it well.  Just sayin'.





Success! And a Naked Man . . .

Me overlooking the swollen Ohio River at mile 7.

I did it.

13.1 miles in the Flying Pig Marathon? 

Done!

So, did pigs actually fly?

No.

But . . . .

There was a monsoon to run through.

And . . .

A man was arrested and tased at mile 6 for running naked.

No.

I am not kidding.

And, no.

There are no pics or video I can find.



My two cents?

1) Life is never boring.

And

2)  Don't you think that running naked in the rain would, well, hurt?  Just wondering.


Off to eat (and eat and eat!!!)

Video Killed This Blogging "Star"

I have discovered that I am much more comfortable behind my keyboard than in front of a camera. 

Mama Kat's bonus challenge this week was to do a vlog (How in the heck do you pronounce that?) about how you titled your blog.

So, after 7,432 attempts . . . with naked children running by in the background, Dora music as a soundtrack and my Lady Gaga ring tone erupting loudly,  I give you my finished product.

It's a vlog people.

Don't get too excited . . . but click the button and embrace the crazy with me.

(Here's hoping the video and the sound sync up.  They do on my computer video, but I have done this several times, and when I load it to blogger, they are off.  It is like I am in my own, poorly dubbed, kung fu movie.  Ay yi yi!)

And about the contacts?

The fact that I had on two different colored contacts in one of my vlog attempts is not the worst thing.  The worst thing is that I have done this before.  Multiple times.  You would think that I would check my reflection in the mirror,  but alas, I do not.  Usually it is my kids that alert me to the fact that I am sporting different colored eyes. . . either them, or the grocery store clerk that can't stop staring . . .

Linking to Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop . . .

Moon Over My Target . . .

Dear Target,

Please excuse my indecent exposure in your north parking lot at 2:23 this afternoon.  I did not anticipate the monsoon that engulfed our area today.  If I had,  I would surely have worn clothing more appropriate for the ridiculous deluge.

Also, please delete your parking lot video of this afternoon.

It may or may not contain images of my pink panties and my ass as the wind blew my skirt over my head.


Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter and please stop laughing,

Annie

P.S.  If I see the video of my ass and panties on you tube later, this letter serves as notice of my intent to sue the Target corporation for royalties.  Just sayin'.

Edward Scissorhands . . . He Is Not . . .

Dear Lord,

Just a short question for today.

What is it about boys and scissors?

That's all.

Off to Supercuts to fix Ethan's homemade hairdo.

Annie

A Celebrity DO List

Dear celebrities,

I know that it is hard to be in the spotlight.

People with cameras follow you around.  Fans shout adoringly at you and ask you for your signature.  You make millions of dollars by reciting lines with flair, or by pouting, slouching, and walking down a runway in designer clothes.

How you even make it through your day . . . I'll never know.

So, to help you through your day, I have compiled a list of 10 positive things you can do to help with your torturous life.

1.  DO wear panties!
    You will be photographed getting in and out of cars.  You do not want your hoo-ha emblazoned all over creation.  Common sense, really.  (Lindsay?  Are you listening??)

2.  DO  take a prozac before going on Oprah.
     (Tom . . . this is for you . . .)  I know that it is exciting to meet and talk with the Queen of talk shows, but refrain from showing your exuberance by jumping on couches or exclaiming wildly with your hands.  You will scare Oprah, after all, and you will leave the rest of us thinking that you are nuts.

3.  DO  confiscate your date's smart phones and cameras.
    Confiscating your date's smart phone and camera will ensure that he or she does not snap photos of you worshipping the porcelain god.

4.  DO pay for your purchases.
     (Winona?  Pay attention!)  You have the cash.  Pay for it.  End of story.  Future jurors will not believe that you "meant" to pay but forgot.

5.  DO believe in mental illness. . .
     Because a few of you definitely suffer from it.  (Charlie?  Winning?!  Only if you are being diagnosed bipolar.  Oh, and Tom?  You too.)

6.  DO take a parenting class before you have children.
    Dangling your child off a balcony over a throng of fans equals bad parenting.

7.  DO realize that celebrity news is forever.
     Think that people forgot that you cheated on your first wife?  (Braaaad?  Yes, you.  We have not forgotten your indiscretion with Angelina when you were married to Jennifer.)  Nope.  We will remember the next time you screw up, because every news agency will drudge up past photos, quotes, and video clips of your mistake.  No amount of baby adopting or house building will ultimately erase your indiscretion.

8.  DO  have a sense of humor.
    Being a star makes you a target.  Why not have a sense of humor about it?  Julia, you did this beautifully when you played a role that required you to then imitate your star self (Ocean's 12).  Your sense of humor made us love you even more.

9.  DO respect the legal system. . .
    Because you will probably be involved with it in some form or another.  Having "F*** You" written on your middle fingernail during your hearing will not gain favor with the judge or the prosecution. (Lindsay?  Again?!?)  Just sayin'.

10.  DO  suck it up.
    Being a star means that you have to deal with paparazzi, and autographs, and fans, and the spotlight.  Suck it up.  Take the good with the bad.  We will love you more for it.

There.

Much better.

Hope this helps.

Sincerely,

Annie


Linking to Mama's! :)