I thought that once Ellerie was done with diapers my days of talking "shit" would be over.
No more dissecting diapers to determine what she ate.
No more wondering about what the color of the poop signified.
No more talk of loose stools or rock hard nuggets.
Yes, I was gloriously done talking about poop, but all that changed when my 87 year old grandmother arrived for Thanksgiving. When she arrived I learned that at the end of your life talking about pooping or not pooping is the thing to do. Apparently, the elderly have a pooping affinity. In fact, my grandma's first words to me after a two day long trek in the car was, "I need a laxative!"
Shit.
And, although Grandma was probably accused of figuratively being full of shit at least once in her life, this time Grandma was literally . . . full. of. shit.
And really, let's face it. This was a tidbit that I really could have gone without knowing. Happily.
At breakfast the next morning, we sipped our coffees together and shared warm cinnamon rolls. I was enjoying the pleasant conversation with her and with my mom until talk turned to number two.
"I'm still constipated, Annie."
Oh lord.
Where do you go from there?
"OK MomMom. I will make sure you poop before the day is over!" I declared to grandma. I was on a mission. A mission from God to get this woman to poop. It was a holy war.
That is why later on that day my grocery cart contained Colace stool softener and prune juice for her and all means of necessary wine for me.
Lots and lots of wine.
So, after a pill, prune juice, fresh fruit and other carbohydrates, Grandma emerged from the bathroom and announced triumphantly to everyone within earshot, "I've had a breakthrough!"
A literal breakthrough, of course.
And just like when the kids were little and were successful during potty training, we did the happy dance (fueled by a few glasses of wine) for Grandma and her poop.
It was the circle of life . . .
after all,
shit happens.
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Special thanks to my mom who puts up with grandma's "shit" every day. Love you!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
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This one is a jewel Annie! love, love, love, it!!!! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! (and I love all of you!)
ReplyDeleteYou are a very special granddaughter, Annie. A really good sense of humor is essential around grandmas at any age. Someday we may be in similar circumstances---I can only hope that when it is my turn, I have someone as wonderful as you and your Mom in my life. Love you all and wish I was still in Ohio so I could come for a visit. Joanie
ReplyDeletePS. You might want to give her some of those fiber one bars we had at the shore!!
LOL, that's hilarious. What a sweetheart you are to your Grandmother! Happy Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteDon't you just love it when family comes to visit! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd to think I haven't stopped for a while and what do I get to come and read .... poop! You are funny and a very loving granddaughter. I have more reading to do Anne but I just had to comment here.
ReplyDeleteTake care and I hope you had a blesesd Thanksgiving.
Obviously there is only a very small amount of time where talk doesn't revolve around poop. For the record my husband talks poop all the time. His poop, really do I need to know - it kind of takes the romance out of things!
ReplyDeleteI hope you had a great thanksgiving!
"I've had a breakthrough!"
ReplyDeleteOh, I loved this post.
It makes me so very glad I spent four hours in the car driving out to see my 88-year-old grandmother and 92-year-old grandfather for Thanksgiving.
And also grateful I got to leave before hearing whether or not they, too, were "successful" while I was visiting.
Cheers to the freedom to say what's on your mind.
So to speak.